karma's a bitch

I feel like I'm being punished....after my slip-up, things went from bad to miserable. A few days after my McDonald's binge, I came down with a terrible stomach bug. At first, I wasn't sure what was going on. First, it started off with terrible nausea, but unfortunately for me, that's nothing unusual as I suffer from daily nausea and ultimately take as much Zofran as a cancer patient. I then started experiencing stomach pain and cramping shortly followed by severe bouts of diarrhea. Once again, nothing too unusual  except that it seemed a bit more severe than it usually is. I have a ton of GI problems so I figured it was just that or something I ate (maybe that damn fish sandwich...), but shortly after the diarrhea started up, I began vomiting on the hour every hour for over a day straight. I had heard that there was a stomach bug going around, but wasn't convinced that's what was going on with me until I heard a couple of my girlfriends were sick with it too.

However, where my girlfriend's were sick for 24-48 hours, I battled the damn virus (or possibly bacterial) infection for well over a week. I don't why my illness is always more severe, but it is, and I know this from experience as it's happened before.  I can remember being home over winter break a few years ago when a stomach bug hit my entire family. It started with my younger brothers and then quickly found its way to me and my sister. My siblings spent half a day in the bathroom while I spent an entire week. I remember at one point, I literally thought I was dying as I was vomiting then shitting my brains out every half hour on the dot for over 18 hours. It was absolutely miserable! I don't think I could even get up off the couch for days afterwards. A few days later as I was still recovery, I even shit my pants...literally, and lo and behold, I shit my pants this time around too - no joke! I honestly can't recall a single time in my entire childhood when I shit my pants, yet I can recall a few occasions when this has happened in my early twenties...wtf?!?!

It took me close to two weeks to completely recover and sticking to any sort of diet during this time was nearly impossible. The Sunday after my McDonald's binge, I was a good-girl and ate vegan, and the very next day started back up on the elimination diet then that Tuesday, I was hit with the stomach bug. As you can imagine  being that sick while on the elimination diet completely turned my nose to every food I was allowed to eat. I still can't even think about making oatmeal or eating prunes without getting nauseous, and because my stomach has been and continues to be finicky, I knew I had to come up with a different plan so some days I followed a vegan diet and other days I just ate whatever was convenient. Even though, I feel like I should be mad at myself for falling off-course, I'm not, and that's mostly because I've learned a lot about the times I ate meat and/or diary these past couple of weeks. One, I no longer find the foods I used to love that appetizing anymore, and two, when I pigged out on a fattening meal full of meat and cheese  I got a terrible migraine. Therefore, it was proof that the diet does work, which I believed all along, I just wasn't sure, and now I am, which is great news!

Therefore, I've developed an anti-migraine diet that I plan to start tomorrow. I adapted it from the information I received from the vegan study I'm currently participating in, Dr. Barnard's book, Foods that Fight Pain, and my own personal triggers and experiences. It's called the Two-Week Test, and it includes eating as much as the pain-safe foods as possible, avoiding all of the common migraine triggers completely, and eating any foods that aren't on either list freely but with caution. One common trigger is gluten, which is probably going to be the single hardest food to give up during the diet as wheat seems to be in everything... I had planned on starting the diet on Monday, but I had to continue to push it back as I came down with a terrible cold on Saturday that I have just now gotten rid of as of today. I just can't seem to catch a break! Regardless, my perseverance and patience are being greatly tested - I am just so tired of being sick. I had have enough to deal with in regards to my migraines and other health problems, this stomach flu and cold on top of everything else is just too much! Anyways, I'm looking forward to starting this diet tomorrow. I really think it's going to help, and it'll be difficult to follow, but not as difficult as the elimination diet. All I have to do is give this a try for at least two weeks. I also developed an extensive food tracker to help me pinpoint any triggers I may be consuming on this diet. If I can do that, I may be able to avoid going on the elimination diet. If not, well, then I can always give the elimination diet another try. I know at this point, not consuming any gluten is going to be difficult but I can do it, and at the end of the day, getting rid of my migraines is my number one priority. Here I go!

the elimination diet

After four weeks of being vegan, the elimination diet began. Although I had a few moments where all I could think about was a McDonald's Filet of Fish, going vegan was, overall, easy. I didn't miss meat, and frankly, I didn't even miss cheese. Before beginning the diet, I thought for sure, I would be dreaming about cheeseburgers and pizza every night, but I didn't - it was a breeze. Unfortunately, however, going vegan didn't dramatically improve my pain levels as I was hoping it would. Therefore, going into my fourth week as a vegan, I focused on a low-fat vegan diet. Definitely nothing fried, no sweets, no more creamer with my morning coffee, and little to no added oil in my cooking, and I'll admit - my pain levels did seem to drop some, but nowhere close to what I was hoping the diet could do for me. So what's the next step? 

Welcome, the elimination diet, a diet that includes only a handful of foods that are assumed to not cause pain. The idea is that certain foods can trigger migraines, and there's no way to identify all of your triggers without eliminating all of them first, lowering your pain level to ideally, nothing, and then slowly, adding foods back into your diet. This part of the study is optional, but obviously, one I had planned and was even looking forward to partaking in because my pain levels were still so high. I would do anything to lower them! Well, that's obviously easier said than done. Below is the list of pain-safe foods were allowed to eat on the elimination diet, which we're suppose to stay on for ideally, three weeks.

Yes, this is the entire list...

Keep in mind, this is the only food we're allowed to consume. No herbs or spices, no coffee, no gum - that's it (other than water of course). At first, I was excited to do this. I went 100% during the vegan portion without any trouble at all. How hard could it be? Would it suck? Yes, of course, but my biggest concern was quitting coffee and Diet Coke. The week leading up to the elimination diet I began preparing. I cleaned out the fridge, reorganized the pantry, and then stocked up on all of the pain-safe foods that I could. I cut out the Diet Coke ahead of schedule, and starting weaning my coffee intake days ahead of time. I found a few recipe ideas and began preparing food, spending hours and hours in the kitchen.

Last Thursday was Day 1, and I was ready to go! By Thursday evening, I was having a caffeine withdrawal headache, I had spent hours in the kitchen that day preparing food, and the lentil quinoa casserole I had prepared for dinner, well, it was interesting to say the least. Internally, I was thinking, "They are expecting us to do this for three weeks! Are they fucking nuts?" I mean really, three weeks? I'm not sure this was thought out. Based on my communication with the group running the study, it seems that they want us to do this for three weeks so that are assessments align with the end of the elimination diet. The elimination diet of last year's study group only lasted 10 days. Why double the time on the elimination diet rather than move up the assessment dates is beyond me? But that's another conversation. Regardless, I determined after Day 1 that this diet was going to be 10 days and not 21, and I was still optimistically telling myself, "One day at a time, Danielle." 

Day 2 came and went. I had a migraine and a caffeine withdrawal headache, but I got through breakfast and lunch just fine, and surprisingly, I didn't even find myself to be hungry. I was once again disappointed with dinner. The first two thirds of the day, I'm fine, but by the time dinner comes around, I really just want to eat something else. At this point, I'm telling myself, rather panicky, "One day at a time, just focus on one day at a time."

Day 3 started out fine. I made myself oatmeal with vanilla rice milk and topped it off with berries. I forced myself to eat the entire cup of cooked oatmeal because I was finding that I was continuing to eat less and less of what I was serving myself. It took me a while, but I ate it all. I then heading out to run some errands. I packed a fresh plum, which I actually enjoyed. After running errands, I figured I should probably eat lunch so I steamed some broccoli and heated up some short grain brown rice, two of my favorite foods. Well...I knew I was in trouble when I was literally gagging while eating brown rice with broccoli. I love brown rice, and I love broccoli, and I should be hungry, but I wasn't, in fact, I hadn't really even been hungry the entire time after starting the elimination diet, which is a rarity for me. I'm always hungry! What was going on? My body was literally rejecting everything I could eat. After a bland dinner that I just simply couldn't get down, I broke down. I was angry and confused and frustrated and upset and...well, a lot of other things. 

The elimination diet sucked! I mean really sucked! And my boyfriend agreed. He ate everything I made for dinner the past three days, bless him, but even he was struggling with this huge diet change, and he was only eating one meal a day with me! He knew how hard I was working and was upset I was having such a difficult time with it. I had worked so hard, and I didn't want to give up, I just didn't see a way out. After a complete meltdown, I threw in the towel. I just had to eat something other than...that awful list. So I did. I went to McDonald's and got that Filet of Fish I had been craving. That low-fat, vegan, elimination diet that I had been working so hard at just went completely out the window, but let me tell you, I enjoyed every bite of that fish sandwich and those fries and that Diet Coke, and I didn't feel guilty at all, not one bit. But, I did learn a few things. That night, I had also ordered a double cheeseburger, and after two bites, I was done. I just wasn't interested in it - it didn't taste good to me, and after a third bite, I was repulsed by it. That was interesting. Also interesting, yet not surprising, was that I felt like shit afterwards, and almost immediately, my migraine got worse. By the time I woke up the next morning, my head felt like it was going to split open. So...yes, I fell off course, I messed up, I threw in the towel, but I learned that the food I was eating, especially the nasty stuff from McDonald's does indeed worsen (and possibly even cause) my head pain, and that is a lesson well learned and one I will never feel guilty about. It was a wake-up call, motivation even. The next morning, I went right back to a low-fat vegan diet, and when I wake up tomorrow morning, I'm going to give this elimination diet another chance. Wish me luck...